


The Curmudgeon and the Casewitch

by aspeninthesunlight



Series: Side Stories for A Year Like None Other [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AYLNO Side Story, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-19
Updated: 2006-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23255278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspeninthesunlight/pseuds/aspeninthesunlight
Summary: A Year Like None Other from Snape's point of view. This side story, written by Esther, a fan of Aspen's story, shows what Snape's adoption interview with the casewitch might have looked like...!
Series: Side Stories for A Year Like None Other [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1672093
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	The Curmudgeon and the Casewitch

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Year Like None Other](https://archiveofourown.org/works/742072) by [aspeninthesunlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspeninthesunlight/pseuds/aspeninthesunlight). 



> NOTES FROM ESTHER, the author of this piece:  
> Well, seeing as I had to take a sick day yesterday :( , I got to  
> write my challenge entry sooner than I thought. Snape's interview,  
> if I remember correctly, had to take place in two parts because  
> Darswaithe's attack interrupted it; for the challenge I have written  
> the interview up to the Darswaithe interruption. And yes, it's  
> already very long, but I can't tell you how much fun I had with  
> this, especially writing from Snape's POV. So, here goes...

The Curmudgeon and the Casewitch  
A Side Story to _A Year Like None Other_  
Written by: Esther

If the interview did not soon conclude, Snape thought, he would  
begin to resemble one of the squirming specimens in the jars lining  
his office. He and the casewitch had just spent the better part of  
fifteen minutes discussing his Death Eater days, and it was already  
taking all of his self-restraint not to send her head-first through  
the floo. That, unfortunately, was not an option, and so he curled  
his fingers a little tighter on the armrests of his chair and hoped  
that he did not start quivering with repressed frustration.

He had to marvel, really, at this sore trial of his self-  
control. Had he not spent hours in Voldemort's presence and  
remained more composed? At least the casewitch wasn't attempting to  
plunder his mind… not that she possessed the intellectual acuity  
to do so, he thought with an inner smirk. So, what was it about  
this particular situation? Maybe it was her atrocious cherry-red  
robes. Why on earth had she chosen that nauseating color on this  
particular day? Was she a distant relation of Albus? That might  
explain why she was so adept at getting under his skin.

And, he supposed, some of his frustration was tied to the  
fact that she was occupying his chair, behind his desk, in his  
office, while he had to take the student's seat and answer  
questions - private, personal questions - like an obedient first-  
year. He supposed that he could now sympathize, somewhat, with the  
slackwits he had to instruct every day, yet he was not so deluded as  
to believe that the sympathy would last. The sight of the casewitch  
ensconced so firmly in his domain rankled him with the outright  
wrongness of it; she clashed with everything – the gleaming oak of  
his desk, the spindly candelabras on the shelves, the precious  
gurgling creatures in their jars.

Yet patient and polite he must be, for so much was at  
stake. He cast his thoughts to Harry, and the claw-like grip on the  
armrests relaxed.

"Well," the casewitch was saying, rather  
briskly, "Headmaster Dumbledore has vouched for your allegiance to  
the side of the light all these years, and your actions on Samhain  
are certainly in accordance with it. However, I do wish you had  
been a bit more forthcoming about your earliest days in You-Know-  
Who's service." A delicate pause. "That is, before you aligned  
yourself with the light," she added, as if he were as hopelessly  
unsubtle as she was and required further clarification.

My dear woman, Snape wanted to sneer, had I been more  
forthcoming, you would have needed to apply several cleaning charms  
to those hideous robes. "There is no excuse for my actions," he  
replied, keeping his voice level. "They cannot be overlooked or  
redeemed. I must forever live with what I have done."

She leaned intently forward on her pudgy forearms. "But now  
you wish Mr. Potter to live with you, as your son. Does he have an  
understanding of your past actions? Have you discussed the matter  
with him?"

In a manner of speaking, Snape supposed. He thought it best  
not to mention that, at the time, he had for all intents and  
purposes stuffed Harry's head into a pensieve and had him watch acts  
of unspeakable torture. What on Earth had possessed me? Snape  
mused, a sharp pang of dismay at the memory. And instantly he  
remembered – the sheer overpowering hurt, the desperate fury, at the  
thought that Harry could not fully trust him… that Harry had spent  
the entire night imagining Snape perform those hideous deeds that  
all Death Eaters commit for their dark lord and their own sadistic  
pleasure. He had hardly been able to bear it that Harry could  
perceive in him such depravity and darkness.

When Snape spoke next, his voice was slightly more  
subdued. "Harry and I have discussed my past, yes. He understands  
why I made certain choices and how I came to repent them."

The casewitch jotted something on her parchment of notes,  
before tapping the quill against it in a rather indecisive way.  
Snape hated that he had to share his thoughts with her, even if the  
responses he gave were not exactly elaborate. And he knew that more  
discomfort lay ahead: questions about his parents, no doubt - namely  
his cursed father - and the punishments meted out to him as a child,  
not to mention any number of other topics deeply personal and  
troubling to him. He gritted his teeth.

"If Mr. Potter does have such an understanding," the  
casewitch continued, "then he must be a very mature young man." She  
watched him closely. "What do you consider to be Mr. Potter's chief  
strengths?"

Some tension eased out of Snape's limbs. "In several key  
respects, Harry is, as you say, uncommonly mature for his age. He  
also possesses an incredible strength of mind and character."

"Please elaborate."

"He has endured much in his short life – unimaginable  
horrors and traumas, persistent daily stress, preposterous slanders,  
mistreatment and neglect. That he has upheld his integrity, his  
sense of himself in the face of it all…" - unbidden, Harry's screams  
echoed in his mind - "is remarkable," Snape concluded, with a quick  
hard swallow.

"A child who has been exposed to such stress cannot always  
cope with it on his own though," the casewitch saw fit to say, as if  
Snape had asked for a helping of the obvious. "Are you aware of how  
young Mr. Potter has stayed sane, so to speak?"

Gryffindor friends had some part in it, Snape supposed, what  
with Harry allowing their foolish antics to divert him. Though, he  
had to grudgingly admit, the fiery-haired fool and the impertinent  
know-it-all did seem particularly devoted to the boy, almost  
siblings of a sort. "I am aware that Harry has found much relief  
from his troubles in the company of his friends, particularly his  
two closest companions. He is also, as I've said, remarkably  
resilient."

"And do you think then that Mr. Potter has dealt adequately  
with the traumatic and stressful experiences of his life?"

She had an intent look in her eye, as if she was just  
waiting for him to say `yes' and prove to her what a blockheaded and  
emotionally uncomprehending creature he was. Miss Thistlethorne,  
might I acquaint you with the floo? "Not in all respects, no."  
Before she could insist that he elaborate, as he knew she would, he  
continued, "Partly because of the mantle of Boy-Who-Lived and the  
rather unrelenting expectations of the wizarding world, Harry has  
tended to assume too much guilt and responsibility for the tragedies  
that have befallen him."

"In what ways do you see that guilt manifest itself?"

"He has a tendency to believe that, in dire situations, he  
must risk himself in order to save others; that it is his  
responsibility to do so and that if he fails, the blame will weigh  
most heavily upon him alone."

"And how would you help Mr. Potter deal with his life's  
difficulties and his guilt?"

"I hope to assume the role of a dependable and trustworthy  
parental figure whom he can turn to for assistance, advice, and  
support."

The casewitch raised an eyebrow, a hint of incredulity  
creeping into her professional demeanor. "Professor, any number of  
individuals could make the same rather broad claim."

Could they? Could they, really? A mentally subnormal and  
exceedingly reckless godfather – deceased. A heedless, soft-bellied  
werewolf – thankfully absent. A manipulative old codger who sucks  
on lemon-drops and holds his cards closely to his chest… Snape  
rested his case. Oh, and there were the Weasleys, he supposed, but  
they had far too many hellions running about and could hardly have  
the time to care for Harry. Care for the child properly, that is.

"I need to know how you are uniquely capable of being a  
parent to Mr. Potter," the casewitch said.

"Miss Thistlethorne, I have endeavored to give Harry a  
secure and supportive home. He knows that he may come and speak  
with me whenever he wishes, and discuss anything, whether it be a  
daunting problem or matters inconsequential. He knows that he can  
trust me, and that I have only his best interests at heart.  
Furthermore, I have made great efforts to understand his needs, both  
physical and emotional."

"Be that as it may-"

He'd had enough of this; no one, not least this irritating  
casewitch, would call to doubt his regard for Harry. Curbing his  
urge to lean over the desk and breathe fire in her face – though  
that would make him feel like master of his office domain once more –  
he settled for boring his eyes into hers and speaking in a low,  
emphatic voice. "I have held the child's broken body in my arms. I  
have rocked his broken, bleeding body in my arms for hours. I have  
fed him, bathed him, battled his fevers and pains. I have told him  
stories, soothed his nightmares… even sung to him, Miss  
Thistlethorne. Do you begin to understand me? No one can care for  
Harry as I do. No one."

Face pale and eyes a little wide, the casewitch studied  
Snape for several long moments before giving him the faintest nod  
and scribbling something quickly onto the parchment. "So you care  
for him," she murmured.

"Deeply," Snape intoned. The woman was maddening; could she  
not go for more than a two-minute stretch without stating the  
obvious? He would wager his latest purchase of Honeyduke's licorice  
that she was a Hufflepuff.

"When did you begin to care for Mr. Potter?" the casewitch  
inquired. "Was it only after Samhain?"

"Earlier in the school year I accompanied Harry on a visit  
to his dying aunt. It was then that I began to gain a better  
understanding of him as an individual and concern myself on a more  
personal level with his well-being."

"And prior to that?" She leaned forward again, and squared  
her broad, sloping shoulders. "I must ask, for you see, Professor  
Snape, you do have a rather fearsome reputation as a teacher."

Snape fought the grin that threatened to emerge, along with  
the accompanying comment of, "And that is how it should be."  
Instead, he said, "Prior to that visit to his aunt, Harry and I did  
not know one another very well. Potions has never been his forte,  
and my classroom demeanor is, as you've implied, less than affable."

"Did Mr. Potter regularly get into trouble with you?"

One could put it that way, yes. And he could mention, if he  
chose, all the times he'd bullied Harry, held him up to ridicule,  
beat his ego about like a bludger. But quite frankly, he did not  
even wish to think of his behavior then. Looking back at his  
actions, he found them utterly beyond the pale; he could never  
imagine himself treating Harry like that again.

"I have found it necessary to assign detentions to Harry and  
take points from his house, yes." With unseemly relish, he silently  
added.

She gave him a long look, as if expecting him to say  
something more, but when he continued to regard her with bland  
politeness, she moved on. "Do you perceive any difficulties in  
your relationship with Mr. Potter, given that you are his professor  
at school?"

"It might take Harry some time to accustom himself to the  
fact that I am his care-giver as well as his teacher, but I can  
foresee no other difficulties at the moment."

"And when or if he returns to classes?"

"When he returns to classes, I intend to treat him as my  
student during the few hours when class is in session and I am  
instructing him."

"You will discuss the matter with him beforehand, I hope."

"Certainly."

She glanced down at the parchment in front of her, before  
fixing her eyes in careful study of his face. "Have you spoken with  
Mr. Potter about the issue of punishments?"

Snape suppressed a spike of anger. The casewitch had a kind  
of wary, expectant expression on her face that indicated that she  
was anticipating some rather shocking disclosures from him – mention  
of various instruments of torture perhaps or obscure and painful  
spells. "I have," he replied, tones somewhat cool.

"I will need further details," she said, still with that  
fixed gaze of hers.

"Harry and I have already settled that there shall be room  
for negotiation in regards to the rules of our home; I will make  
certain he understands the reasons behind any given rule and does  
not find them arbitrary. If he does misbehave, my first course of  
action will be to speak with him and discuss the motivations and  
impulses that led to his behavior. Afterwards, he might find  
himself temporarily without access to certain privileges – such as a  
visit to Hogsmeade, once he is able to join his classmates – or he  
might be instructed to write lines, compose an essay, brew several  
potions during what otherwise would be his free time…" He broke off  
at the twitch of her lips.

"You find it most comfortable to punish him as a teacher  
would," she said.

He lifted his shoulder in an elegant shrug, the casualness  
of the movement belied by the intent in his eyes. "Those are all  
reasonable consequences for misbehavior. I would never subject  
Harry to any unreasonable or cruel punishment."

Her eyes narrowed in what he supposed was her attempt to  
look shrewd. "And what do you consider unreasonable or cruel?"

"Any application of physical or magical force. Any action  
that generates physical pain or mental anguish. Certainly anything  
that would deprive a child of necessities such as food and sleep, or  
places the child in the position of resident house-elf, burdened  
with excessive chores."

She was steadily taking down his words. He noted that the  
ink on her parchment was not black, but actually a deep purple.  
Another color that would not suit her, should she choose to wear it  
on her person.

"Did your parents ever subject you to punishments that you  
define as unreasonable and cruel?"

Snape took a deep breath. "Yes."

"And yet you feel that you would not resort to the same  
measures?"

Was the bloody woman in need of Waldenholfer's Acuity  
Draught? "Certainly not."

"Not even when you lose your temper, and therefore find  
yourself more susceptible to the familiar patterns of behavior  
learned in your childhood?"

Patterns of behavior learned in childhood. A neatly  
detached term for unspeakable abuse; not that the casewitch was  
acquainted with the details. Snape brought forth some of the cool  
waters of his Occlumency, and let them wash through his mind. "Even  
in poor temper, Miss Thistlethorne, I would not harm my son. At the  
very most, I would raise my voice."

"So you do not feel that Mr. Potter is intimidated by you?"

"Harry knows that I mean him only well, and that he may  
speak and behave in an unconstrained manner when he is around me."

He expected her to ask more questions pertaining to his childhood,  
but it seemed that – for the moment, at least – she was moving on to  
other topics. Snape knew though that she would return to the matter  
of his parents, and quickly rehearsed in his mind exactly what  
information he would share with her and what details he would  
withhold.

"If Mr. Potter were to tell you that he wishes to drop NEWT  
Potions, how would you react?"

Shriek my unearthly anguish from the top of the Astronomy  
Tower, Snape wished to reply, though he suspected the woman  
understood very little in the way of sarcasm and would likely take  
his response literally. "I would speak with Harry about the reasons  
underlying his decision and make certain he fully understands the  
detriments of such a choice. Do not misunderstand me, Miss  
Thistlethorne," he added, as she opened her mouth, "I do not expect  
Harry to follow in my footsteps or prove himself a potions brewer of  
legendary ability. I am, however, aware of certain career plans he  
is entertaining at present, and they require a Potions NEWT. Should  
he feel inclined to drop the class, I do believe it would be prudent  
of me to discuss with him the limitations that decision would place  
upon his post-graduation plans."

The casewitch nodded, then gained a shrewish gleam in her  
eyes. "And let us say that Mr. Potter approaches you in order to  
ask a few questions about, well, romantic and sexual relationships?"

Snape could sense where this next line of questioning was  
headed. "I would answer his questions frankly and with a respect  
for his age and intelligence."

"And do you feel that you would be qualified to provide  
informed responses about romantic intimacy and successful  
relationships?"

Perhaps not, but he would be qualified to forcefully  
introduce her to his floo. With full apologies to the floo, of  
course. "When you say, `provide informed responses,' I am not quite  
certain of what you mean. For you see, a young man of Harry's age  
would not benefit from simple, pre-formulated answers or from  
passively listening to a lecture on the topic of romance and  
relationships. Any questions he asks, we will endeavor to answer  
together in an open dialogue and free exchange of ideas."

There, that made him sound enlightened.

"But I must wonder if you could contribute something  
meaningful to such a dialogue." She rested her girth on his desk  
once again, prompting him to run down a list of various cleaning and  
polishing charms he would cast on the surface later. "You are not  
married and never have been. You are not currently a partner in any  
serious relationship. Why have you remained unattached?"

Because the world is filled with people like you, Miss  
Thistlethorne. Because I live in a castle overrun with irritating  
juveniles and faculty members who are quite frankly uninspiring.  
Because I cringe at the thought of sleeping an entire night in the  
presence of another person. "Years spent as a spy, Miss  
Thistlethorne, have precluded the formation of any serious romantic  
attachments; you must also keep in mind that I am a teacher and head  
of house at a boarding school, and acquit my duties with utmost  
conscientiousness. And, most importantly, there is Harry to  
consider. He takes precedence above all else, and I intend to  
devote my time and energy to developing a healthy parent-child  
relationship with him."

She nodded, jotted a few more infernal notes in deep purple  
script, and asked, "Have you ruled out marriage as a future  
possibility?"

Snape considered that there was nothing to be lost in  
saying, "No, I haven't." Though he did add, "I do not, however,  
foresee such an event transpiring in the immediate future."

"And what sort of individual would you look for in a  
partner?"

No Hufflepuffs need apply. And certainly no one clad in  
loud colors, or in possession of a single brain cell. Experience  
scraping Dark Marks off of forearms a definite plus. "I would first  
have to determine how beneficial that individual would be for Harry,  
and also for Draco, whom I have taken into my home as well. Anyone  
who dislikes the boys or makes no effort to understand them would be  
out of the question, irrespective of other personal qualities."

"That is all well and good, but I must also ask…" She  
cleared her throat. "Would you prefer a female companion or a male  
companion?"

A flush crept up his neck. He clenched his jaw and arrested  
its progress before it could reach his cheeks. His fingers itched  
for the wand tucked safely in the folds of his robes, and even as he  
considered how to tactfully phrase his reply, his mind provided him  
with unhelpful images of the casewitch transfigured into a giant  
cherry, round and glistening, ripe for the squashing.

But it seemed he would be spared the necessity of a response. With  
a flare that caused the casewitch to give a violent start, the floo  
came to life and Draco shouted, "Severus, get down here, now!" Snape  
tensed at the frisson of panic in the young Malfoy's voice. In a  
moment he was out of his chair and, when the casewitch could only  
fuss and sputter at the interruption, seized her by the forearm and  
dragged her with him into the turquoise fire.


End file.
